Ok, so there I was tired, burned-out, feeling like a mindless stooge about tithing and the KJV only issues. I had put Sunday School teaching on hold due to my college work and consequently felt like the Pastor didn’t quite like me like before. (I know that’s petty but feelings are feelings.) I began to starve spiritually, the messages were all about "serve, Serve, SERVE!"
I wanted, no needed, encouragement, exhortation and edification but I wasn’t getting any. My acceptance seemed to be tied to my performance. That seemed to be the entire gist of most of my Christian life. "Saved by Grace, blessed (and consequently liked) by performance." It seemed the way of the IFB and that’s the God they taught me to serve. Church was becoming the primary source of misery. Our kids were picking up on this. We started missing services because of the sheer misery we felt when we went. There was absolutely no joy. It was gone. I tried to eat so to speak at the spiritual table. I remember vividly when the pastor was preaching about the woman caught in adultery and how the Lord said he that is without sin cast the first stone. I got excited. I thought, "Yes! Let’s hear of the marvelous grace of our Lord Jesus!" Only to have the pastor turn it around and preach against sin, hellfire and damnation.
We started going for drives on Sunday morning. We would get all dressed for church, load up in the car and then drive by church and keep on going. We would drive out of town so we can legitimately say "we went out of town last Sunday" when asked. It was refreshing to us as a family. We started to miss Wednesday services as well. It made Wednesday’s a lot easier. Kids got to bed at an appropriate time, I got my college assignments done, and we all got to sleep more that night.
I was getting more miserable and disillusioned as the Sundays kept coming and going. I started questioning the structure of our services and invitations and wondered how many people got saved in their seats by simply believing silently to themselves versus those that were "compelled" to walk the aisle. I started to wonder if we had become so rigid and mindless that we no longer thought for ourselves. I sat through services that twisted scripture in an effort to guilt people into giving. One mission conference the visiting preacher told everyone to think of an amount to give to missions, then double it. He warned them not to go home and do the math and see what they can afford because that’s when the devil and the flesh influence you against giving. I thought to myself how tragic, we throw wisdom and scripture to the wind and we call it being "led by the Spirit". I started to notice the right-wing conspiracies that were rampant, from the "Y2K- Here comes the Anti-Christ" to the "government checks that require the appropriate mark on your right hand or forehead in order to cash them." I started to notice the arrogance from the pulpit, the "I’m glad I have a ticket to heaven/rapture and this world is going to hell" attitude. I simply couldn’t find Jesus in the pulpit anymore. He wasn’t there.
Next Week, Part 7: "God, if that’s the kind of God you are, kill me now! KILL ME NOW!"
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11 comments:
Hi
Going to church is my joy because i ask God to fill me with the Holy Ghost. The kingdom of God is not meat and drink, but righteouness and joy in the Holy Ghost. Please ask God fot that gift and find a church that believes in it.
God bless
It is now August 2007; what happened? I guess the IFBxers were right; God must of struck you down for leaving the faith once delivered to the saints.
David T! (LOL) I was wondering when someone would suggest this. I'm DEAD! (LOL). I guess I shouldn't leave this BLOG hanging on this last entry. To answer your question: Life. I've been too busy raising my four boys, trying to enjoy life rather than rant and rave. I have reconsidered continuing this blog but this time I may name some names! In short, they (IFBx in my family) have struck again! Let me ask you a question. If you were an IFB preacher would you leave your daughter in the ER with a critical grandson and drive through the city the hospital is in just to make Thursday night visitation? Not even call? Not even be there for her? And yes they knew where he was they knew how serious he was? It gets better . . . I'll have to revisit my blog, write a book, make a lot of money.
If I were an IFB preacher there is no telling what I would do... I wouldn't BE an IFB preacher, probably!
I spent a year in Bible college and I know several who reacted to IFB mis-treatment by becoming agnostics. Very sad. It is a tempting option tho.
I am glad you are trying to enjoy life. It is too easy to be wrapped up in the hurt so much you can't enjoy life. But there is also value in telling your story. I for one would be interested to hear.
My email is on my blog if you'd like to talk more. I will be keeping an eye on your blog!
I would remark that what that preacher did is very uncaring towards his family. But to him, pleasing God is more about evangelism than taking care of your family.
Friend,
Did you ever think, "Maybe I'm in the wrong IFB church for me?" I don't like the sound of what your family or pastor did either, but maybe it's not just the IFB group. Maybe you were just in a "less than biblical" church. I would think twice (or more) about walking away from everything God has done in your life because of the unscriptural way that you have been treated. By the way, I would go to the hospital every time.
An IFB Preacher
You experiences parallel mine almost word by word. At times I even wondered if you went to my church! My years in the IFB church are the most unpleasant and the most negative memories that I'll ever have. I am so glad my family and I finally had the courage to leave--we've never looked back.
God bless you.
"showing up at the slaughter house"...
another trend that I have noticed in some IFB churches is many pastors emasculate(figuratively) the men in the service.
It starts like this, "I am so thankful for the men in this church. Manly men! Men that lead their families. yada yada.. (This is where one should feel like a Titleist being placed on a tee about to get smacked with a driver.)
Then here it comes, a sermon that promotes the "superior" leadership skills of the "man of God", comparing himself to King David, and the always lackluster leadership of the men of the church in their homes. Each comment is usually ended with an exclaimatory and chastising "DADDY!" or "HUSBAND!"
The message is that all the men are losers and only the pastor can lead the women and children in the right direction. As wives and children hear this on Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night, the man in their house slowly becomes only a tool to provide the money.
Once on a flight from Atlanta to CA I sat next to a woman that is an ex IFBer too. She lived in northern Ca and her husband was belittled in her eyes by this same technique. They moved to the east coast to start afresh.
At the time of our greatest involvement in our IFB church, many women would call the pastor when their kids needed discipline instead of calling their own husbands. A cultural norm was in place...the pastor had the minds of most of the women-even counseling some of them to stop being intimate with their husbands.
(All the famous cults do this too-to a greater extreme. Jones, Koresh and others, turn the hearts and minds of the women and children to themselves.)
Also, these pastors, will make a suspect out of good men. Let me elaborate. Through constant preaching, the women are taught that if a man gets on his computer, he must be looking at porn...or, if he is at work and has a conversation with a female that lasts more than 30 seconds he must be attempting to have an affair. At one time in my life I was purposefully short and somewhat rude to all women other than my wife and mother. Why? Well, I was standing against the "whores that were seeking to wreck my home", not really. The pastor just gave the women in our church a license to nag if she found out that you had a "long conversation" with a female and I was trying to live in peace.
My wife finally turned the corner when the pastor started turning the children away from the parents and toward himself. Several others were blinded until this event happened in their families.
I am not an eloquent writer, but this is very therapeutic for me. I hope it helps others.
Keep Blogging!!
"Saved by Grace, blessed (and consequently liked) by performance."
Oh boy, isn't that spot on!!!!
This is all too familiar. Performance = loved. Wow.
Im an IFB preacher. Im proud of being fundamental and independent but I do agree that a lot of churches are doing a lot of hurt. Being independent fundamental means that we follow the BIBLE to the fullest extent. As IFBers we have lost compassion and understanding. A man that forsakes his family in the name of soulwinning is wrong. Any man that says that all gays go to hell is a liar. The BIBLE never says that anywhere. I believe the reason that we are hurting people so often is that we haven't read our BIBLEs and we go around half cocked saying ridiculous things.
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