Part 8: Deathbed

I apologize for my long absence to those that have waited. Life gets in the way of such things like blogs, tweets, and facebooks. The inverse can also be true; blogs, tweets, and facebooks can get in the way of life but I would prefer the former rather than the latter. (Just for the record I despise Twitter, well maybe not the technology as much as the aimless tweets about nothing at all . . . I don't care that you ate a great Reuben sandwich at the deli . . . sheesh!)

Ok, back to the subject matter at hand. If you have followed this blog from the beginning you already may have mental picture of my In-Laws. Allow me to re-cap. On the surface they appeared to be Holy Spirit filled Christians following the will of God. My Father-In-Law after all has the most important job any Christian can ever have: Preacher. My Mother-In-Law has the most important job any woman can have this side of heaven: Preacher's wife. (I write this with heavy sarcasm, I don't believe any of that. Besides many of you readers would disagree about the woman's job anyway and that's fine too.) They were a missionary couple that dedicated their lives to the kingdom of God and in my opinion sacrificed their children on the altar of service for God. They spent a couple of decades in Germany as Missionaries to the American Military and started a couple of churches, and built up a few churches that had dwindled in membership. When I first met them I was awe struck. I had found what appeared to be lovely Christian couple that had everything right. He preached fire and brimstone, she showed love and compassion, helping the young ladies in the church, and interestingly enough doing most of the witnessing, a unique dichotomy.

I was a young 18 year old that came from a broken home that had struggled early in my Christian youth. Having gone through adolescence, I struggled with everything from basic peer pressure, sex and all the other crap we have to go through in this life. All this without the help of a Christian home, older spiritual Christian Brother or decent church for support. The church I was attending was more concerned with my speaking in Tongues and learning about the Rapture and Tribulation that was supposed to happen in 1987, 1988, 1989, 1991, 1993, 1999, 2000 (Y2K) . . . you get the picture. So it is no surprised that when they took me under their wing I had found a small piece of Heaven. I met their daughter, fell in love, got called to preach and married their daughter all in the span of 2 years. A very busy fellow was I. (At this point you can start at the beginning of this blog for the proverbial “flashback”.)

Assuming you have read this blog from the beginning you can see that the truth of this missionary couple was pretty ugly. Having shed the shackles (yes I said shackles and I mean shackles!) of IFB I look back and see the bigotry, hatred, inbred intellectualism, historical and biblical ignorance and just plain moronic stupidity that is endemic in this IFB movement. My In-Laws are a representation of this movement that has hurt lives and continues to hurt them all in the name of God. Consider the following:

IFB’s promote “Biblical Inbred Intellectualism”: Most preachers I know only attended “paper” seminaries or backyard Bible Colleges that are sponsored by a local church where there is no qualified teacher of Bible other than the preacher that attended yet another “paper” seminary or backyard Bible College. As such they promote and teach the same Biblically bereft principles that are very destructive. Now to be clear I am not referring to Christian fundamentals such as Christ’s Atonement, Salvation etc. I’m talking about ludicrous ideas about KJV only, tithes and offerings, pants and makeup on women, birth control, anti-government ideas that border on anarchism and general paranoia about everyone that does not attend their church.

IFB’s promote a “Christian Welfare State”: Most of these churches demand 10% of your Gross Income (not NET) as Tithes. Most preachers will tell you to pay God first before you pay your bills, and don’t worry about your bills because God will provide. They also demand you participate in “Faith Promise”, a program where you pledge additional monthly monies to missionaries. They also constantly encourage you to give additional offering in the form of cash and loose change you have in your purse. They also demand your free time on Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday visitations, Saturday workdays or Saturday night prayer meetings and any other time when the pastor needs you. Now, add to this the idea that secular education is terrible and plagued with sin and destruction for you and your kids. To hear them tell it, your kids will either come out of public school a homosexual, an unbeliever or in a coffin. And don’t even think about sending them to a secular college as that is certain doom on them, they must go to a Christian College --see previous point. To be fair, there are very good Christian Colleges out there but they are outside the circles of the IFB movement that I speak of. (Ok, stay with me, I’m almost done.) Now, add a good helping of “Birth Control is Sin” and “Wife’s place is in the home” and standard male dominance/chauvinistic tendencies that follow the men of this group and you have a lot of kids you now have to feed. So what have I baked in my “IFB oven?” A financially strapped, exhausted, anti-education . . . I’ll let you fill in the rest.

Ok, I’m done digressing . . .

My In-Laws secretly grieved and probably prayed for God’s wrath to fall on me because I no longer attended church, yet they were the very reason I no longer went. My Mother-In-Law had developed cancer a few years ago, had struggled with chemo and her health was touch and go the last couple of years of her life. As bad as the situation got with my In-Laws, I did not “rock the boat” due to her health and for my wife’s sake as well. I kept my mouth shut and simply ignored them. I did not tell them how I felt about the IFBs, KJV only-ism, Tithing. To do so would have alienated my wife from her mother during the twilight of her mother’s life.

Before I move to my Mother-In-Law’s death I must point out a few things how her Christian beliefs accelerated her condition and in my opinion may have caused an early death. Yes, I know several of you believe it is God that calls you home so this argument is moot for you but for those that have still have the common sense that God gave you consider the following:


They (my In-Laws) at one point in the early 70’s/80’s did not believe in going to doctors. They believed that God would heal their ailments and there was no need to involve human help. To do so was to show a lack of faith in God. Simply pray and have the “elders of the church anoint your head with oil”.

It was only under extreme health threatening conditions did they ever seek medical help and when they did it was with extreme reluctance. At one point a doctor had to tell my Father-In-Law that he needed to get his wife to the hospital or she would die. This was due to an already enlarged heart that was a result of congestive heart failure back in the late 80’s. She pulled through that episode . . . barely. After this, they proceeded to do periodic check-ups on her heart but as to the frequency and intensity of these check-ups there remains doubt.

I was there when she died at 60 years of age. I had never before been at someone’s deathbed. It was a sad, chilling experience. When you see someone dying, you are willing to forgive more than when you see them living, very ironic isn’t it? My wife seemingly sensed something was terribly wrong about a week before she died. And for the record for those that know who the identity of these folks are; it was my wife that convinced her dad to call some of the immediate family that week to come and see my Mother-In-Law before she passed away. Somehow my wife seemed to know.

We rushed down to the parsonage where my In-Laws were living. When we got there on a Friday afternoon, my Mother-In-Law had just had a seizure of some sort and started to go downhill fast. She looked emaciated, skeletal and very yellow. She looked fake, like a yellow mannequin in some sort of museum exhibit for the dead and dying. Most of her children and a few grandchildren were gathered around her when we got there. My wife’s big brother, whom I will refer to as Jay from this point forward, was on his way. Jay was the firstborn and he was bringing his wife, I’ll refer to her as Eve. Eve loved my Mother-In-Law too and was close to her but she was never fully accepted by my In-Laws and was often grossly mistreated by them. They considered her very rebellious for she spoke her mind, wore pants and make-up. This mistreatment continued even unto my Mother-In-Law’s death. My Father-In-Law refused to let Eve come in the house and told Jay that she was not family and was not welcomed. The result was that Jay had to grieve the passing away of his mother without the support of his lovely wife who had to stay in a hotel a few miles away also grieving alone. All because of a cold, bigoted, hateful man that, to my knowledge was a cold, bigoted hateful man before he “got saved” and is still a cold, bigoted, hateful man even after he “got saved.”
“By their fruits ye shall know . . .”

Next: Part 8.1 Death of a Saint?