Part 9.1: "Thou Art the Man . . ." (cont'd)

[Continued from Part 9, see Blog Archive on the right]

The lineage of the family that some of the "Full-Timers" boast about is soiled. The 2nd Generation (My wife and her siblings) have fractured into 2 groups. Several of the 3rd generation (the Grandkids from my In-Laws perspective) have serious spiritual issues they are dealing with. The young girls in this family have little choice but to become "Preacher's wives". They are denied the chance to pursue anything else. My wife prays that the girls will not get an abusive husband because they teach that marriage is permanent, no divorce. The girls are destined to be housewives, or at best work from home. It's my experience that this world can use some Godly Christian women to become public school teachers, nurses, doctors and even business ladies. Don't believe me? Then why do most IFB parents of daughters insist on a female doctor or nurse to examine their daughter? Some are home-schooled/sheltered to a point that any encounter with the ugliness of this world can be quite a traumatic event.

Church was my life! I taught Sunday School, preached the word, led song service not realizing the sins around me. I was a sunday school teacher and song-leader in a church where the Pastor was having an affair with a church member. I later found out they committed their sin during "Visitation". The resulting child of the affair was held in the woman's arms while we all sang hymns like "There's power in the Blood." I'm sure several of you IFB members know of even more sexual debauchery from the pulpit. The IFB's think it can't happen to their men because their men are "True Men of God." Yet, the IFB churches are no different, we are all human. We can all fall to tempations. The preacher has done a good job convincing me that I'm a sinner. No arguments there. But he has forgotten that he is one too and must, from time to time ask forgiviness of those that he has hurt as well. All the more so when it is his own family.

I've been called a fool by some of my in-laws and a hater of God. A coward. I suppose I can engage in an all out flame war and answer tit for tat with them but to no avail. I can't blame them for labeling me and calling me names, I would have done the same thing 18 years ago.

Here are a few for your enjoyment.

A chastisment from my 20-something Nephew-In-Law Timothy (a Missionary to Mexico):

The Bible says "Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him." Proverbs 26:4 Anyone who would create such a site (this blog -lr) as this in direct opposition to God is a FOOL!!! ... You are a very bitter person who has a hate for God and his Word. The principles you oppose on this site are principles in the Word of God. To have a problem with these things is not a problem with IFB it is a problem between you and God. I do believe that the wrath of God will fall on you and your family unless you REPENT and get right with God. . . . I am not afraid to put my name but I simply do not want you causing anymore trouble for the ones I love by using my name in your dirty work.

Little did my nephew realize that he posted his name on the comment (see the comments section on "Interim Post: The proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back", Mama's Piano . . ." in the blog archives in the upper-right panel)

Here is another attempt from a Mike S. He posted on the church's guestbook, note his attempted lie, (but it's ok to lie if you are trying to defend the IFB preacher --not.)

Mike S. Saturday, 7/3/10, 9:30 PM

i am quite shock over what i have seen on this guestbook. is this [my wife's name] your daughter? it seems she has really changed over the years for the worst. i am a physiologist in new york and deal with a lot of people with behavior problems. if this is a true entry, your daughter has major problems and should seek help immediately. her reactions to you is abnormal to say the least. with the disrespect and hatred that she shows. i have dealt with many people like this. it is as if they have two different personalities. if any other men are around her she will demonstrate the same. the only reason for her not to, is if it more than likely the men are probably weak to her or somewhat a coward in her presence. these type of people hate any form of authority. bro jim try to get her to seek help immediately. it will only get worst . . .

From: New York City, NY
Email: XXXXX@yahoo.com

To be fair to Mike, he only saw one side of the man so in his eyes he is defending the man of God as he knows him. And yes my wife did post on the my Father-In-Law's Guestbook trying to find her piano and expose her father right after a heated telephone exchange where she confronted him. Good for her! The point is many will defend the IFB preacher, many will see all the good he has brought and all the wonderful works he has wrought and look the other way if there is sin to be found. Is this what we should do? Honestly, this is the correct appoach? What would Jesus do? Incidentally, his lie is betrayed by his sentence

i am a physiologist in new york and deal with a lot of people with behavior problems.

He meant to say Psychologist. A Physiologist is something totally different. They don't deal with behavioral problems. If he was truly a Psychologist he would have never made that mistake. Plus I believe his grammar would be better too, but that's just me.

Purpose of this Blog:
The primary purpose was to help me understand what has happened to my spiritual life by organizing my thoughts. It was part of my spiritual therapy because of the abuse. Dark thoughts crossed my mind during the darkest hours of this journey. I asked where God was in all this mess. I have cried tears of sorrow in my bed looking for God. And as some of you have read, there was a time when I did not want to continue. I have ranted and raved and often gotten very emotional on this blog because of the abuse/hurt caused to my family. I have said some very strong things during my blogging. (Warn your children that they should not "Drive Angry" neither should they "Blog Angry"). What can I say I'm human but I will stand by them. It doesn't matter if I have 0 or 10,000 readers. It has helped me. Additionally, if this blog has helped one other soul to avoid this type of abuse/modern-pharisseism then that's a big plus!! If this blog has caused caused a pastor/preacher to pray and examine himself or his ministry then that's another plus. The purpose of this blog is not to destroy anyone. Though I dare say a few folks are probably desiring to see my destruction from on high. This blog is a tiny drop in the vast polluted ocean of the internet and will scarcely register on any radar so the 'precious' family name will still survive. But this blog will stand as testament against them and this behavior. Rest assured, I will blog periodically from time to time on various issues and thoughts.

In a way I should thank my In-Laws. I have awakened so to speak from this burdensome religious system. Jesus said "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest . . . . . .For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Mat 11:28-30). This does not describe these churches at all. I heard of a woman that was so burdened by these teachings that she came to a church service just after a miscarriage. So soon after the miscarriage that she hadn't fully recovered. They had to carry her in and she had to lay in a bed that was setup in the sanctuary just for her so she could be in church. Now I'm an earthly father and if I had a daughter, and she wanted to come to my house, and she just had a miscarriage and she still needed to be in bed then I would tell her, "Daughter, it's ok. Stay home, rest. I will come see you." Now, to be fair, I don't know her motives, but if her attendance that night was because of the IFB's mishandling of Hebrews 10:25, if it was because of the IFB's mental-manipulation leading to needless feelings of guilt and condemnation, then this is wrong. I've yet to see an IFB preacher tell one of their flock "stay home this Sunday, you need to rest" or "cut back on your giving, you need to take care of your family".

Their lack of love and bountiful abuse, led me to question the issues they most hold dear. The very issues they were badgering my wife about. In this case woman and pants. This in turn led me to question Tithing, then KJV-Only issue. I have read more books on Bible Translations and church history than ever before. I decided to read books from opposing viewpoints with the clear understanding that if the IFB teachings are correct then the IFB teachings will come out the clear winner in the end. DO NOT SHUT YOU EYES/EARS TO AN OPPOSING VIEW. HOW WILL YOU EVER KNOW IF YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT WRONG? HOW WILL YOU EVER "TRY THE SPIRITS" PER 1 JOHN 4:1? It's a simple strategy. Weigh the evidence as if you were a jury for the first time. So I read books that the average IFB person could not handle as it can turn their world upside down. Among some of the best: "Lost Christianities: The Battles for Scripture and the Faiths We Never Knew " "Misquoting Jesus: The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why" , "God's Problem: How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Important Question--Why We Suffer" by Bart D. Ehrman. (Now I warn you, these books can alter your perception of your faith. The question you have to ask yourself is "Can I handle it? Is my Faith strong enough?")

(Interstingly enough, as I look back, had the pastor at Maranatha Baptist Church shown me a little compassion when I stepped down from teaching/song-leading during my last year of college, had he not said to my wife that my attending college was "not of God" then chances are I would still be going to church.)

I know too many IFB preachers. I have seen their failings and I can deal with that (no biggie we all have them). But I have seen their deceit as they deny their wrong doings all the while condemning me and my own for petty things like pants/shorts. I have heard off-color jokes by missionaries about the very people they are going to minister to and thought to myself, that was wrong. I would have repented and asked God to forgive me for that one. I have seen Preacher families treat preaching like the family business. Influencing their son's to take up the family practice, dissappointed and often condemning them if they don't. Preachers that treat their ministry just like a job or a business they own.

(Side note: This is an honest question. Is it common practice for IFB preachers to preach the same message over and over, word for word? I mean for instance, preacher/evangelist crafts a a few sermons then uses them over and over, just about word for word. You can even detect the same emotional inflections in their voice at the same part of the sermon, very similar to acting (IMHO). When I was a Sunday School teacher and when I preached I didn't go back to my old lessons/sermons and see what can I use again. I honestly prayed and asked God to lead me to some passage in the Bible, some lesson that He feels I should expound on. This took several hours throughout the course of the work week, locked in my room.)

So after spending over 4 years, blogging and observing. Wondering if there would be a change. I waited 2 years after my Mother-In-Law passed away to see if that event would soften my IFB Father-In-Law. It didn't. After this post I will officially be embraced as the "Terrible Uncle, on his way to a Devil's Hell." They will be looking for my demise or the demise of my children. Perhaps the maiming of my children or the death of one of them will teach me a lesson. Or a tornado that destroys my house. or . . . I can go on and on. What a wonderful picture of God!

I leave now to find God down another path. I still believe He is there. I still believe in the beautiful teachings of the Bible that tell us to love thy neighbor as thyself. I dare say 90% of the problems we have would go away on the practice of this teaching alone, and to seek that which is good. I have questions about Jesus and what he meant/said so many years ago. I have serious doubts as to some of the modern manifestions of fundamental Christianity. (Some of these folks' ideology reminds me of the Muslim Takfiri.) But at least I'm honest with myself and God.

Oh, (almost forgot) as to the name of this IFB preacher . . . .

[Author's Note:
As many of you may notice, I changed this portion of the blog. I decided to remove the name of my Father-In-Law as a result of consulting with lawyers about what to do about the piano. (Sorry to dissapoint you, but I wasn't visited by plague, frogs, or boils.) Furthermore his name appears to be receiving too much focus and muddling the purpose of this blog. As I re-read my Blog for the upteenth time I realize that his name/role while a catalyst to my journey, is not the point. In a moment of hurt and anger for what he's done to my wife/son I decided to post his name. This is the wrong reason and I apologize. Too many people are focusing on their opinion of him rather than on the issues raised by this blog regarding IFB church abuse. We have never asked him to change his convictions. If he wants to continue to believe that women who wear pants are an abomination that is his right guaranteed by our Constitution. All we asked was to be loved and accepted even though we no longer agreed with that conviction.]

(Oh, by the way [Father-In-Law], your grandson didn't tell my wife anything about her piano being sold, so leave him alone and quit threatening/bullying him. It was Grandma.)

God Bless!

Part 8: Deathbed

I apologize for my long absence to those that have waited. Life gets in the way of such things like blogs, tweets, and facebooks. The inverse can also be true; blogs, tweets, and facebooks can get in the way of life but I would prefer the former rather than the latter. (Just for the record I despise Twitter, well maybe not the technology as much as the aimless tweets about nothing at all . . . I don't care that you ate a great Reuben sandwich at the deli . . . sheesh!)

Ok, back to the subject matter at hand. If you have followed this blog from the beginning you already may have mental picture of my In-Laws. Allow me to re-cap. On the surface they appeared to be Holy Spirit filled Christians following the will of God. My Father-In-Law after all has the most important job any Christian can ever have: Preacher. My Mother-In-Law has the most important job any woman can have this side of heaven: Preacher's wife. (I write this with heavy sarcasm, I don't believe any of that. Besides many of you readers would disagree about the woman's job anyway and that's fine too.) They were a missionary couple that dedicated their lives to the kingdom of God and in my opinion sacrificed their children on the altar of service for God. They spent a couple of decades in Germany as Missionaries to the American Military and started a couple of churches, and built up a few churches that had dwindled in membership. When I first met them I was awe struck. I had found what appeared to be lovely Christian couple that had everything right. He preached fire and brimstone, she showed love and compassion, helping the young ladies in the church, and interestingly enough doing most of the witnessing, a unique dichotomy.

I was a young 18 year old that came from a broken home that had struggled early in my Christian youth. Having gone through adolescence, I struggled with everything from basic peer pressure, sex and all the other crap we have to go through in this life. All this without the help of a Christian home, older spiritual Christian Brother or decent church for support. The church I was attending was more concerned with my speaking in Tongues and learning about the Rapture and Tribulation that was supposed to happen in 1987, 1988, 1989, 1991, 1993, 1999, 2000 (Y2K) . . . you get the picture. So it is no surprised that when they took me under their wing I had found a small piece of Heaven. I met their daughter, fell in love, got called to preach and married their daughter all in the span of 2 years. A very busy fellow was I. (At this point you can start at the beginning of this blog for the proverbial “flashback”.)

Assuming you have read this blog from the beginning you can see that the truth of this missionary couple was pretty ugly. Having shed the shackles (yes I said shackles and I mean shackles!) of IFB I look back and see the bigotry, hatred, inbred intellectualism, historical and biblical ignorance and just plain moronic stupidity that is endemic in this IFB movement. My In-Laws are a representation of this movement that has hurt lives and continues to hurt them all in the name of God. Consider the following:

IFB’s promote “Biblical Inbred Intellectualism”: Most preachers I know only attended “paper” seminaries or backyard Bible Colleges that are sponsored by a local church where there is no qualified teacher of Bible other than the preacher that attended yet another “paper” seminary or backyard Bible College. As such they promote and teach the same Biblically bereft principles that are very destructive. Now to be clear I am not referring to Christian fundamentals such as Christ’s Atonement, Salvation etc. I’m talking about ludicrous ideas about KJV only, tithes and offerings, pants and makeup on women, birth control, anti-government ideas that border on anarchism and general paranoia about everyone that does not attend their church.

IFB’s promote a “Christian Welfare State”: Most of these churches demand 10% of your Gross Income (not NET) as Tithes. Most preachers will tell you to pay God first before you pay your bills, and don’t worry about your bills because God will provide. They also demand you participate in “Faith Promise”, a program where you pledge additional monthly monies to missionaries. They also constantly encourage you to give additional offering in the form of cash and loose change you have in your purse. They also demand your free time on Wednesday, Thursday or Saturday visitations, Saturday workdays or Saturday night prayer meetings and any other time when the pastor needs you. Now, add to this the idea that secular education is terrible and plagued with sin and destruction for you and your kids. To hear them tell it, your kids will either come out of public school a homosexual, an unbeliever or in a coffin. And don’t even think about sending them to a secular college as that is certain doom on them, they must go to a Christian College --see previous point. To be fair, there are very good Christian Colleges out there but they are outside the circles of the IFB movement that I speak of. (Ok, stay with me, I’m almost done.) Now, add a good helping of “Birth Control is Sin” and “Wife’s place is in the home” and standard male dominance/chauvinistic tendencies that follow the men of this group and you have a lot of kids you now have to feed. So what have I baked in my “IFB oven?” A financially strapped, exhausted, anti-education . . . I’ll let you fill in the rest.

Ok, I’m done digressing . . .

My In-Laws secretly grieved and probably prayed for God’s wrath to fall on me because I no longer attended church, yet they were the very reason I no longer went. My Mother-In-Law had developed cancer a few years ago, had struggled with chemo and her health was touch and go the last couple of years of her life. As bad as the situation got with my In-Laws, I did not “rock the boat” due to her health and for my wife’s sake as well. I kept my mouth shut and simply ignored them. I did not tell them how I felt about the IFBs, KJV only-ism, Tithing. To do so would have alienated my wife from her mother during the twilight of her mother’s life.

Before I move to my Mother-In-Law’s death I must point out a few things how her Christian beliefs accelerated her condition and in my opinion may have caused an early death. Yes, I know several of you believe it is God that calls you home so this argument is moot for you but for those that have still have the common sense that God gave you consider the following:


They (my In-Laws) at one point in the early 70’s/80’s did not believe in going to doctors. They believed that God would heal their ailments and there was no need to involve human help. To do so was to show a lack of faith in God. Simply pray and have the “elders of the church anoint your head with oil”.

It was only under extreme health threatening conditions did they ever seek medical help and when they did it was with extreme reluctance. At one point a doctor had to tell my Father-In-Law that he needed to get his wife to the hospital or she would die. This was due to an already enlarged heart that was a result of congestive heart failure back in the late 80’s. She pulled through that episode . . . barely. After this, they proceeded to do periodic check-ups on her heart but as to the frequency and intensity of these check-ups there remains doubt.

I was there when she died at 60 years of age. I had never before been at someone’s deathbed. It was a sad, chilling experience. When you see someone dying, you are willing to forgive more than when you see them living, very ironic isn’t it? My wife seemingly sensed something was terribly wrong about a week before she died. And for the record for those that know who the identity of these folks are; it was my wife that convinced her dad to call some of the immediate family that week to come and see my Mother-In-Law before she passed away. Somehow my wife seemed to know.

We rushed down to the parsonage where my In-Laws were living. When we got there on a Friday afternoon, my Mother-In-Law had just had a seizure of some sort and started to go downhill fast. She looked emaciated, skeletal and very yellow. She looked fake, like a yellow mannequin in some sort of museum exhibit for the dead and dying. Most of her children and a few grandchildren were gathered around her when we got there. My wife’s big brother, whom I will refer to as Jay from this point forward, was on his way. Jay was the firstborn and he was bringing his wife, I’ll refer to her as Eve. Eve loved my Mother-In-Law too and was close to her but she was never fully accepted by my In-Laws and was often grossly mistreated by them. They considered her very rebellious for she spoke her mind, wore pants and make-up. This mistreatment continued even unto my Mother-In-Law’s death. My Father-In-Law refused to let Eve come in the house and told Jay that she was not family and was not welcomed. The result was that Jay had to grieve the passing away of his mother without the support of his lovely wife who had to stay in a hotel a few miles away also grieving alone. All because of a cold, bigoted, hateful man that, to my knowledge was a cold, bigoted hateful man before he “got saved” and is still a cold, bigoted, hateful man even after he “got saved.”
“By their fruits ye shall know . . .”

Next: Part 8.1 Death of a Saint?