Part 9: "Thou art the Man . . . "

If you are new to this Blog please start at PART 1: Click Here Then use the Blog Archive (just to the right of this panel) to navigate to subsequent parts. The blog was started in 2006.

I have been blogging about my journey for over 4 years. A journey that was started when I witnessed the harsh, mean-spirited, abusive treatment of my wife by an IFB preacher and his wife all because she decided she would wear pants. The tragedy of this behavior is compounded when you realize that this IFB preacher and his wife are none other than my wife's parents.

I could not understand this behavior, all because of an article of clothing. I further could not comprehend why my In-Laws were so nice and friendly to other women (non-family members/strangers) who wore pants.

You see as a Christian myself this didn't add up. Perhaps they thought their daughter should know better. Perhaps they thought this was a betrayal of their beliefs. Enough to make her feel like a reprobate? Really? Did she turn into an atheist? Does she deny the Deity of Christ? No, she felt she could wear pants. Not tight-skinned "Show off your Fanny" pants. Loose fitting modest pants. A litte more practical for gardening, cleaning house. Helps prevent chafing, etc. Good for cold nights/days. Pants that are made for women, not men. Well, they didn't like it one bit. Despite the fact that she was a married woman and she was supposed to submit to her husband (me), and I told her that it was ok. Nope, didn't matter to them she represents the Dad's family name and she makes her Dad look bad so she needs to wear dresses/skirts at all times. Stipulations were made, she could not wear pants in their presence. Even when they came to our house, she should not wear pants. Kind of outrageous. It's my house, yet we had to do this or they would never visit. We weren't smoking a crack-pipe. We weren't cooking any Meth. We weren't growing any weed. We were allowing a woman (a preacher's daughter) to wear pants. GASP!!

Yet we capitulated. I said to my wife: Romans 14:13 "Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way." Let's just do it and keep the peace I said no big deal.

(Interesting note: You ever notice that in Romans 15:1 it calls these brothers weak in the faith. Those that get offended at "meat offered unto idols". "We then that are strong ought to bear the infirmities of the weak, and not to please ourselves")

Yet, they didn't relent. One of the last conversations my wife had with her mom before her mom passed away due to cancer was "God was going to get you" because she was not in church. By this time we had left church due to the abusiveness and inconsistencies.

They claimed I lied to them that I was called to preach but now I'm not. I stand before all to say the following: I was "Father-In-Law" called and "Mother-In-Law" sent. I was 18-21 while I attended Faith Baptist Church in Bad Kissingen, Germany. I was heavily influenced by my In-Laws. I admired them greatly because I never had a Christian home. I came from an abusive home. I had gotten saved in a Pentacostal church. I became the Sunday School teacher and loved what I did. So the next step would be to preach. I did it. I liked it. I thought (Keyword) THOUGHT I was truly called to preach by the time I moved to another Army Post.

I continued to believe this until 1995 when I was about to get discharged from the Army. It was "Go" time. I was on my way to Bible College. I had prayed long and hard and decided on Ambassador Baptist College in Shelby North Carolina (Ron Comfort's school). I took my family down there with the intention of finding a place to live, visit the campus and start our move. I almost put down a down payment on a couple of acres of land for a double wide. We stayed with some friends during our visit. And guess what I found?
Prancing arrogant peacocks that walked around thinking they were God's greatest gift to Christendom. It did not sit well with me. Sorry, but "arrogant" and preacher doesn't mix well with me. I felt confused, disappointed and dissillusioned. So much so that I asked God the following: "Lord, I believe you can speak to your children. So now I'm asking this one thing. Please call me to preach loud and clear. If this is what you want me to do then let it be known. I am hitting the reset button. Please do it again." Pray tell what is wrong with that?? Either God can speak to me or he can't.

Well, to sum it up. He didn't say Go, so I stayed put. Been very happy/blessed ever since!! But my In-Laws believe I am outside of the will of God. When I went on active duty for the National Guard during the early part of 2009 my pay was cut in half (E-5's don't make enough IMHO). I had to solicit the Serviceman Civil Relief Act in order for us not to lose our house. (Kind of sad if you ask me that a patriot that wants to serve his country stands a chance of losing his house while serving said country, but that's another topic altogether). Her Dad's response: "Good maybe he'll get his heart right and get out of the military." Hmmm, his ministry when he was a missionary was "Missionary to the Military" yet you always got this "anti-Military" vibe. As I think back during our stay at Faith Baptist Church we were always begruding our Military commitment. This was also the case in a couple of IFB churches that catered to the Military. There was always a sentiment of "we need to get out of the Military, it's not good place to be". Again, I only speak of the IFB churches I have been in. Not all of them are like this.

We've felt their anger. Experienced their callousness and witnessed their arrogance and hypocrisies. I've seen them manipulate and abuse their flock with classic techniques akin to cults. (Google "Cult Characteristics"). I've seen them take and take.

(Do you know that as 18-19 year old and an E-3 (PFC) I was giving $350 a month to "Faith Promise" plus Tithing, plus giving offerrings? This was after a "Faith Promise Mission Conference" where they "moved people" to give. Do you realize as an E-3 I was only making $843.60/month before taxes! Do you Realize I did this for over a year, maybe two --can't remember. Later I found out that I was the biggest giver --wife told me, remember she was their daughter. Furthermore, once I was set to marry his daughter, you would have thought that he would have taken me aside and told me that I should cut back on my giving and prepare for married life by saving some money. He didn't. Instead I got married as an E-3 with very little money in my account. Our only saving grace was the double-BAQ we received for PCSing. Sad.)

I've argued with blind followers of these men. I've made enemies and will make some more by the end of this post when I reveal the name. While my mother-in-law still lived I held my tongue. I waited for over 2 years after my wife's mother died to see if the family would change. They didn't. It only got worse. We now have bitterness and anger and families that have been fractured because of lack of love and abusive attitudes all in the name of God. Half of the Family wants to conceal the truth or forget it ever happened (these are the ones that are "full-time" serving the Lord, the Pastor, the Evangelist, the Pastor's wife) while the other half (the "part-timers" so to speak, plus the outcasts, black-sheeps) want resolution in the form of a true heart-felt apology and admission of the wrong-doing. Why? Well because we are tired of experiencing it and seeing the culprit get away with it because of his title. Remember Trinity Baptist College in Jacksonville, Florida? Dr. Bob Gray? His arrest? The accusations against the church because folks covered it up or looked the other way? What about what the Roman Catholic church and what they've done with their priests? Yes, the crimes they are accused of can be considered more heinous than what we've experienced but the principle of hiding/looking the other way is the same. The seething anger that results is that these men continue to do it and no one stops and says: "Perhaps you should stop.". Somehow, they think the man and the church is too "big to fail" so we should bail them out by supporting them and ignoring these accusations. Just look at what happens at some of these churches.

The key difference here is that us "black-sheep" outcasts or whatever you want to call us are not beneath asking for forgiveness for the wrong things we've done. Have we sinned. Yes. Have I said things out of anger both publicly and on this Blog. Yes. Do I need to pray and ask for forgiveness. Yes. But will the other half do it? Not likely. To do so would be an admission of guilt and will soil the family name. That is why I left church. I would rather be an honest sinner than a fake saint. I'll kneel before God and ask his forgiveness. I will apologize to my Father-In-Law once he shows me where we have wronged him (not based on some personal conviction of his or because we have dishonored the family name).

Yet for all of this, a simple "Daughter, I'm sorry I've done this to you. I'm sorry we treated you this way." would have broke down all barriers and led to tears of reconciliation. Sadly, I don't see this happening this side of heaven. The next time we all get together maybe at the next funeral. And that is a BIG maybe.

[INTERMISSION #1 FOLKS, TAKE A BREAK LOTS TO READ STILL]