The lineage of the family that some of the "Full-Timers" boast about is soiled. The 2nd Generation (My wife and her siblings) have fractured into 2 groups. Several of the 3rd generation (the Grandkids from my In-Laws perspective) have serious spiritual issues they are dealing with. The young girls in this family have little choice but to become "Preacher's wives". They are denied the chance to pursue anything else. My wife prays that the girls will not get an abusive husband because they teach that marriage is permanent, no divorce. The girls are destined to be housewives, or at best work from home. It's my experience that this world can use some Godly Christian women to become public school teachers, nurses, doctors and even business ladies. Don't believe me? Then why do most IFB parents of daughters insist on a female doctor or nurse to examine their daughter? Some are home-schooled/sheltered to a point that any encounter with the ugliness of this world can be quite a traumatic event.
Church was my life! I taught Sunday School, preached the word, led song service not realizing the sins around me. I was a sunday school teacher and song-leader in a church where the Pastor was having an affair with a church member. I later found out they committed their sin during "Visitation". The resulting child of the affair was held in the woman's arms while we all sang hymns like "There's power in the Blood." I'm sure several of you IFB members know of even more sexual debauchery from the pulpit. The IFB's think it can't happen to their men because their men are "True Men of God." Yet, the IFB churches are no different, we are all human. We can all fall to tempations. The preacher has done a good job convincing me that I'm a sinner. No arguments there. But he has forgotten that he is one too and must, from time to time ask forgiviness of those that he has hurt as well. All the more so when it is his own family.
I've been called a fool by some of my in-laws and a hater of God. A coward. I suppose I can engage in an all out flame war and answer tit for tat with them but to no avail. I can't blame them for labeling me and calling me names, I would have done the same thing 18 years ago.
Here are a few for your enjoyment.
A chastisment from my 20-something Nephew-In-Law Timothy (a Missionary to Mexico):
The Bible says "Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him." Proverbs 26:4 Anyone who would create such a site (this blog -lr) as this in direct opposition to God is a FOOL!!! ... You are a very bitter person who has a hate for God and his Word. The principles you oppose on this site are principles in the Word of God. To have a problem with these things is not a problem with IFB it is a problem between you and God. I do believe that the wrath of God will fall on you and your family unless you REPENT and get right with God. . . . I am not afraid to put my name but I simply do not want you causing anymore trouble for the ones I love by using my name in your dirty work.
Little did my nephew realize that he posted his name on the comment (see the comments section on "Interim Post: The proverbial "straw that broke the camel's back", Mama's Piano . . ." in the blog archives in the upper-right panel)
Here is another attempt from a Mike S. He posted on the church's guestbook, note his attempted lie, (but it's ok to lie if you are trying to defend the IFB preacher --not.)
Mike S. Saturday, 7/3/10, 9:30 PM
i am quite shock over what i have seen on this guestbook. is this [my wife's name] your daughter? it seems she has really changed over the years for the worst. i am a physiologist in new york and deal with a lot of people with behavior problems. if this is a true entry, your daughter has major problems and should seek help immediately. her reactions to you is abnormal to say the least. with the disrespect and hatred that she shows. i have dealt with many people like this. it is as if they have two different personalities. if any other men are around her she will demonstrate the same. the only reason for her not to, is if it more than likely the men are probably weak to her or somewhat a coward in her presence. these type of people hate any form of authority. bro jim try to get her to seek help immediately. it will only get worst . . .
From: New York City, NY
Email: XXXXX@yahoo.com
To be fair to Mike, he only saw one side of the man so in his eyes he is defending the man of God as he knows him. And yes my wife did post on the my Father-In-Law's Guestbook trying to find her piano and expose her father right after a heated telephone exchange where she confronted him. Good for her! The point is many will defend the IFB preacher, many will see all the good he has brought and all the wonderful works he has wrought and look the other way if there is sin to be found. Is this what we should do? Honestly, this is the correct appoach? What would Jesus do? Incidentally, his lie is betrayed by his sentence
i am a physiologist in new york and deal with a lot of people with behavior problems.He meant to say Psychologist. A Physiologist is something totally different. They don't deal with behavioral problems. If he was truly a Psychologist he would have never made that mistake. Plus I believe his grammar would be better too, but that's just me.
Purpose of this Blog:
The primary purpose was to help me understand what has happened to my spiritual life by organizing my thoughts. It was part of my spiritual therapy because of the abuse. Dark thoughts crossed my mind during the darkest hours of this journey. I asked where God was in all this mess. I have cried tears of sorrow in my bed looking for God. And as some of you have read, there was a time when I did not want to continue. I have ranted and raved and often gotten very emotional on this blog because of the abuse/hurt caused to my family. I have said some very strong things during my blogging. (Warn your children that they should not "Drive Angry" neither should they "Blog Angry"). What can I say I'm human but I will stand by them. It doesn't matter if I have 0 or 10,000 readers. It has helped me. Additionally, if this blog has helped one other soul to avoid this type of abuse/modern-pharisseism then that's a big plus!! If this blog has caused caused a pastor/preacher to pray and examine himself or his ministry then that's another plus. The purpose of this blog is not to destroy anyone. Though I dare say a few folks are probably desiring to see my destruction from on high. This blog is a tiny drop in the vast polluted ocean of the internet and will scarcely register on any radar so the 'precious' family name will still survive. But this blog will stand as testament against them and this behavior. Rest assured, I will blog periodically from time to time on various issues and thoughts.
In a way I should thank my In-Laws. I have awakened so to speak from this burdensome religious system. Jesus said "Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest . . . . . .For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light" (Mat 11:28-30). This does not describe these churches at all. I heard of a woman that was so burdened by these teachings that she came to a church service just after a miscarriage. So soon after the miscarriage that she hadn't fully recovered. They had to carry her in and she had to lay in a bed that was setup in the sanctuary just for her so she could be in church. Now I'm an earthly father and if I had a daughter, and she wanted to come to my house, and she just had a miscarriage and she still needed to be in bed then I would tell her, "Daughter, it's ok. Stay home, rest. I will come see you." Now, to be fair, I don't know her motives, but if her attendance that night was because of the IFB's mishandling of Hebrews 10:25, if it was because of the IFB's mental-manipulation leading to needless feelings of guilt and condemnation, then this is wrong. I've yet to see an IFB preacher tell one of their flock "stay home this Sunday, you need to rest" or "cut back on your giving, you need to take care of your family".
Their lack of love and bountiful abuse, led me to question the issues they most hold dear. The very issues they were badgering my wife about. In this case woman and pants. This in turn led me to question Tithing, then KJV-Only issue. I have read more books on Bible Translations and church history than ever before. I decided to read books from opposing viewpoints with the clear understanding that if the IFB teachings are correct then the IFB teachings will come out the clear winner in the end. DO NOT SHUT YOU EYES/EARS TO AN OPPOSING VIEW. HOW WILL YOU EVER KNOW IF YOU HAVE BEEN TAUGHT WRONG? HOW WILL YOU EVER "TRY THE SPIRITS" PER 1 JOHN 4:1? It's a simple strategy. Weigh the evidence as if you were a jury for the first time. So I read books that the average IFB person could not handle as it can turn their world upside down. Among some of the best: "Lost Christianities: The Battles for Scripture and the Faiths We Never Knew " "Misquoting Jesus: The Story Behind Who Changed the Bible and Why" , "God's Problem: How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Important Question--Why We Suffer" by Bart D. Ehrman. (Now I warn you, these books can alter your perception of your faith. The question you have to ask yourself is "Can I handle it? Is my Faith strong enough?")
(Interstingly enough, as I look back, had the pastor at Maranatha Baptist Church shown me a little compassion when I stepped down from teaching/song-leading during my last year of college, had he not said to my wife that my attending college was "not of God" then chances are I would still be going to church.)
I know too many IFB preachers. I have seen their failings and I can deal with that (no biggie we all have them). But I have seen their deceit as they deny their wrong doings all the while condemning me and my own for petty things like pants/shorts. I have heard off-color jokes by missionaries about the very people they are going to minister to and thought to myself, that was wrong. I would have repented and asked God to forgive me for that one. I have seen Preacher families treat preaching like the family business. Influencing their son's to take up the family practice, dissappointed and often condemning them if they don't. Preachers that treat their ministry just like a job or a business they own.
(Side note: This is an honest question. Is it common practice for IFB preachers to preach the same message over and over, word for word? I mean for instance, preacher/evangelist crafts a a few sermons then uses them over and over, just about word for word. You can even detect the same emotional inflections in their voice at the same part of the sermon, very similar to acting (IMHO). When I was a Sunday School teacher and when I preached I didn't go back to my old lessons/sermons and see what can I use again. I honestly prayed and asked God to lead me to some passage in the Bible, some lesson that He feels I should expound on. This took several hours throughout the course of the work week, locked in my room.)
So after spending over 4 years, blogging and observing. Wondering if there would be a change. I waited 2 years after my Mother-In-Law passed away to see if that event would soften my IFB Father-In-Law. It didn't. After this post I will officially be embraced as the "Terrible Uncle, on his way to a Devil's Hell." They will be looking for my demise or the demise of my children. Perhaps the maiming of my children or the death of one of them will teach me a lesson. Or a tornado that destroys my house. or . . . I can go on and on. What a wonderful picture of God!
I leave now to find God down another path. I still believe He is there. I still believe in the beautiful teachings of the Bible that tell us to love thy neighbor as thyself. I dare say 90% of the problems we have would go away on the practice of this teaching alone, and to seek that which is good. I have questions about Jesus and what he meant/said so many years ago. I have serious doubts as to some of the modern manifestions of fundamental Christianity. (Some of these folks' ideology reminds me of the Muslim Takfiri.) But at least I'm honest with myself and God.
Oh, (almost forgot) as to the name of this IFB preacher . . . .
[Author's Note:
As many of you may notice, I changed this portion of the blog. I decided to remove the name of my Father-In-Law as a result of consulting with lawyers about what to do about the piano. (Sorry to dissapoint you, but I wasn't visited by plague, frogs, or boils.) Furthermore his name appears to be receiving too much focus and muddling the purpose of this blog. As I re-read my Blog for the upteenth time I realize that his name/role while a catalyst to my journey, is not the point. In a moment of hurt and anger for what he's done to my wife/son I decided to post his name. This is the wrong reason and I apologize. Too many people are focusing on their opinion of him rather than on the issues raised by this blog regarding IFB church abuse. We have never asked him to change his convictions. If he wants to continue to believe that women who wear pants are an abomination that is his right guaranteed by our Constitution. All we asked was to be loved and accepted even though we no longer agreed with that conviction.]
(Oh, by the way [Father-In-Law], your grandson didn't tell my wife anything about her piano being sold, so leave him alone and quit threatening/bullying him. It was Grandma.)
God Bless!
6 comments:
How in the world could anyone stoop so low as to persecute and torment another human being let alone a man of God like Bro. Jim Aguiar SR? You talk of believing the "love your neighbor as yourself". Where is the belief you speak of when you plainly stated how you felt about your father-in-law. You are holding grudges from years ago, the Bible speaks plainly on that subject too. You don't know the half of what this man has done for God and his fellow man. I have met this man and he NEVER ever said anything negetative about his family. Sounds like this is a one sided affair. I am sure this comment will not be posted for all to read but at least you have read it and hundreds of Christians that read your vile blog can comment to the misconceptions that you have stated. I pray that you and the others that contributed to this blog will get saved or if you have been saved, you will get your heart right with God and then make it right with the man you have so wronged.
Sincerely,
Jean Pridemore
from Kentucky
Repsonse to Jean Pridemore from Kentucky:
Jean it is about holding such men accountable. They honestly believe they are above reproach, that they have done nothing wrong. They continue the abuse and the hurt under the guise of "biblical principles" yet they can't or won't admit their wrong doing, or even worse they deny it.
As a parent I teach my children to go and apologize when they have done something wrong in order for reconcilation. Most parents often catch when the apology is less than genuine and we tell them to "mean it". We are told in Matthew 18:15-17 to do the following:
"Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
[His daughter has called him and confronted him, he denied he did anything wrong and presented himself blameless, shifted the blame to her.]
"But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established."
[His daughter went to other family members, and other close friends. Most agreed, some decided to stay quiet/look the other way, some decided to speak up, some blamed the daughter --see the building frustration/trend?]
"And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican."
[His daughter had enough of the torment and told the church, the problem is compounded by the fact the father is a church leader so it is expected that many will come to his defense blindly without knowing the truth. Some will ask why don't you go the Father-in-law's pastor. To my knowledge, he has none.]
Now here is the verse most Christians forget exists:
Luke 17:3
Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.
That's right "IF HE REPENT", Jim Aguiar has not.
Makes sense, if you think about it. If more Christians that offend were to "repent" and say "I'm sorry" to the person they have wronged then maybe they would stop no? Instead the victims are told to forgive the offending brother/sister even when the offender does not repent/apologize. If the victim finds it hard to forgive the offender then the victim is further blamed for not forgiving. (Here is the classic "Your just bitter" accusation followed by "repent of your bitterness". See the cycle Jean? This does a few things, first the victim gets no reconcilation and further withdraws, second the offender continues to offend because they think they have done nothing wrong. Now repeat this several dozen times and what do you have?
Also, why would Jim talk negative about his family? Let me re-phrase that, why would a preacher, who values the reputation of his ministry and family name talk negative about his family? That would hurt his ministry so the inclination is to not talk about it. And frankly I don't blame him for that.
It is easy to judge someone when we haven't walked in their shoes. I'm guilty of that and often have to stop myself. If you want to believe in Jim Aguiar that's fine. I wrote his name so folks can see that he is not perfect. That no preacher is perfect. I can say that all day on my blog but until someone sees a name it won't hit home. NO PREACHER IS ABOVE REPROACH. NO PREACHER IS ABOVE THE SPIRITUAL LAWS WE HOLD DEAR. Yes, continue to pray for him too, he needs it. I need it too. (However, please refrain for praying for my death...I don't believe that is very Christian.) My advice to you is to examine the church/preacher you have and make sure this doesn't happen to you.
God guide you and give us all peace.
Forgive me for posting all over your blog, but it so hits home! I write about it a lot from time to time myself- for the same reason- I have so many thoughts and I want to honestly sort them out.
As far as the woman with the miscarriage, I can completely relate! I tried to be the "good" woman who trusted God to give her the number of children she should have. (I was originally done at 2, and went on to have 3 more in my 30's).
I have difficult pregnancies- nausea the entire time all 5 times,itchy skin- unbearable, pain and discomfort. If I didn't go to church, I was being lazy- it was wrong to seek out my own comfort. I was wrong for using pain medication during labour, and even more wrong for not coming to church the following service after giving birth. Every time I got sick and needed antibiotics, and was in extreme pain- but that was an excuse and I should have been at church like all the other child-bearing mom's.
I, too, had a miscarriage, and did what was expected...continued going to church WHILE miscarrying. That's what good Christians do. AND I wasn't supposed to be sad, because if I BELIEVED God, I would KNOW death is better than life.
My 5th (and sinfully last, because my husban did the unthinkable- vasectomy) child was born 5 weeks early....most of my questions were, "Why did God do this to Michelle?" "Was it a test, or was she in sin?" I never doubted God's goodness through that time, I was honest with God regarding my fears of what could happen, and I didn't worry about why it was happening. My thought is that bad things happen to EVERY person- saved and unsaved- because life is not perfect, life has hardship. God does not keep us from bad if we are "good", and he does not give us bad if we are "bad". Bad happens and God is our anchor during those times.
My son really struggled with the church and our home went through some major "drama." Teenager hell times 10! I was supposed to keep doing what they wanted me to do and believe God to change him. We decided instead to loosen the grips of control. Do I believe God is able? Sure! He can do whatever He wants. But, He does not force any human being to change. I chose to love my son, let God be God, and not push God on my son any longer- he had been through that long enough. I was considered a "doubter" for that.
God is good, God is able, God is patient - has been with me, is with others, so I refuse to bully oters into His direction because that is NOT the way He does it.
And yes, I have witnessed the same behaviour as you- criticizing and mocking, belittling, back-talking the SAME people they are ministering to. Very discouraging to hear as you are TRYING to be a "good door-knocker" even though you hate it.
And I DO hate visitation! Not for the reasons they assigned me- shame of God, fear, lack of boldness, but because I don't like to bug people, so I don't want to bug them! I hate it when people come to my door. I hate it when they expect people to be up at 9:30 in the morning on a Saturday just because they are, and mock them when they are still in their jammies.
As you can see, I have many, many thoughts on this issue myself!
God bless!
Michelle you are more than welcome to post as much as you like. The more people speak out about their experience the better it is for all of us. Thanks for reading!!
Hello,
I read some of your blog as I too was a fundamentalist at one time and witnessed the abuses in it. I had a preacher show up at my job and told me that God would get me within two years and put me in some hospital bed with some illness due to my non-faithfulness to church with this holier than thou preacher at my bedside to restore me to his version of the faith.
I was told that I was not saved because my wife was married before to a man that beat her severely and left her for another woman. She was either to remain single or be reconciled to her former husband who was now married to another woman. I was told to leave my wife and kid, but that it would be OK to send them support money, and tithe my 10% gross on top of that to the church.
I know all about the rules as I also went to Bob Jones University. Back then I knew not peace and was told that my lack of peace was due to not obeying every rule, not going to church consistently on Sunday evenings, and so on.
I gave religion the overdue farewell it had been waiting for. I said "To hell with religion" and embraced the God of all grace instead.
Your anger at Pharisaical Fundamentalists is justified.
Spiritual therapy is a good thing for all of all ages; developing that inter connection and strength has to be a plus in life right?!
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