Monday, April 19, 2010

Part 8.1 "Death of a Saint?"

Part 8.1
I don't think Death can ever be beautiful. Maybe it can occur in the context of beauty and honor. Maybe someone's death can be framed with love, sacrifice and mercy. I often think of a "nice" death as one where you go to sleep that night then you find yourself in a beautiful dream surrounded by wonderful mountain views. Suddenly you are met with angels and they inform you it is time. You follow them to Heaven and your body slowly breathes its last breath and you pass on in the dream from one plane of existence into another. Instead I find violent deaths, deaths that are slow and prolonged due to illness. The only "nice" deaths I find are the quick ones. The ones where the death is so quick and violent it is possible that the person didn’t feel a thing.


The Death:
My mother-in-law suffered a slow ugly death due to Cancer. Her body was emaciated, her hands looked like skeleton hands and her skin was a pronounced dull yellow due to jaundice. She looked almost mummified to a certain extent. She suffered a debilitating seizure a few hours before her passing where she lost her ability to speak. She would slowly move her eyes and head from side to side but you didn't know if she was sentient or not. My wife and I got there while she was in this state. It was hard to tell if she could understand when my wife would speak to her. Later, shortly after midnight her body convulsed violently. It appeared my mother-in-law was sneezing. That type of sneeze that is deep and hard, that hurts deep down in your chest. Her body did this sneeze around 2-3 times then kept still and that was it. She died. Everyone could tell it had happened. Cries of bereavement filled the bedroom by all those around her as her body laid still.

Now this death is probably what normally happens under these unfortunate circumstances as the body battles cancer and loses. Not sure, that's just my opinion but I am not a doctor. But what bothers me the most is that this woman was supposedly a Godly woman of the highest magnitude, filled with the Holy Spirit (so I was led to believe) based on the beliefs held by the IFB church. She was a Pastor's wife, unrelenting witness and tireless worker. She would perform “door-knocking visitation” which for you sales people is very similar to “cold sales calls”. In one instance she knocked on a person door and when the poor soul opened the door she said “Bang” as she held her hand in the shape of a gun. She would then ask “What if it was a real gun and you died; would you wake up in heaven or hell?” (Yep, I know what you are thinking, “Was she nuts!? That could get her beat up, slapped or at least screamed at!”) In many ways she was fearless and bold. Many times I envied that. She wouldn't hesitate to witness to anyone on the street no matter the color of their skin or their appearance. (Yes this is the same woman that is mentioned at the beginning of this blog --- the one that called her daughter (my wife) a whore for wearing “that which pertaineth to a man” ---pants.)

Where was God’s grace? Was this it? Was this the death she was supposed to get? She didn’t die with a smile on her face as she looked dreamily toward paradise. There was no “presence of angels” in the room. Instead there was sickness, sadness and despair. She had been battling cancer for several years and after certain high points in her treatment, that is when things were going well and she looked like she was winning the battle, she would claim the victory and said she believed God had/or would soon heal her. Yet she died. The only grace I found was that she was surrounded by most of her family and kids. I say most because my Father-In-Law refused to allow one of the Daughter-In-Laws from entering the house because he simply did not like her (see previous post). Later that night as everyone continued to weep, the funeral home personnel came and took her body away.

Now I don’t want to seem blasphemous or offensive to anybody but I was expecting something better for her. True, we had disagreements as evidenced by this blog, but if I am wrong and in danger of God’s judgment, then she is/was right with God. Why didn’t God give her more grace than that? There are those that were present at her deathbed that have convinced themselves that she passed away peacefully just so that they can preserve some sort of sanctity/peace within themselves. That’s fine, I won’t begrudge them that, but the truth is she suffered and it was disturbing. As I mentioned before; “Above All, Truth.”

The Husband’s Reaction:
The second part of her passing away that bothered me was the way my Father-In-Law reacted. Here was a “Man of God” that preached the glories of heaven and all that awaits the children of God on the other side. He preached that God was the one that strengthens you during the valleys of your life, yet he fell into despair. He wished for her return and contemplated giving up on life and often mentioned that he had nothing to live for. Now, I don’t begrudge a man’s mourning for his spouse. It is a terrible thing. An event that I hope to avoid, but here was a man that judged me and condemned me and considered himself to be “holier than me” yet where was his faith? I would not say this of any other man but you make yourself a spectacle/hypocrite when you act like this and you claim to be God’s man. Either you believe this stuff or you don’t. A few weeks after she passed away, he wondered why certain people still lived and she didn’t. Why God had taken her away?

I became angry at him and his lack of faith especially when he was so quick to condemn others and rub it in their noses that he was going to heaven and they were not. (To be frank, this still makes me angry when I think about it.) Maybe he thought they were too good for this to happen to them. Both of them kept hoping for God to deliver them from this cancerous death and maybe they could not understand why He (God) was not responding. After all, they had done everything right by their reckoning. They were in the service for God; they had put their ministry above everything else, including their children and their personal health/wealth. I have been there as a young Christian. I’ve wondered why God did not answer my prayer when all that was needed was faith, and I had it when I prayed. Later, I would convince myself that I had done something wrong to displease God, that’s why he didn’t answer me.

To be fair, if my spouse died I would fair no better. I would probably cry like a baby for quite a while. The difference is I’m not the “Spirit Filled Man of God.” I don’t claim to be one. I don’t preach/prance like a spring peacock telling everyone how great everything is when you do what I say, and how God’s going to hurt you if you don’t do what I say.

My Mother-In-Law’s death has left me with more questions and some brutally honest conclusions. Some of you will disagree whole-heartedly, that’s fine. I welcome the disagreements/feedback. The conclusions below are just the facts as I see them:

“Piss poor planning on our part, does not constitute an emergency on God’s part”:
In other words, if you neglect your health don’t expect God to heal you in the final hour. (This can be said about our finances too by the way) Where in the Bible does it say that? Can God heal? Sure, by definition He is God he can do anything. The real question is “Does God heal?” or maybe “Will God heal?” The answer to those questions is: No. Sorry, but if He was in the healing business why does he let sickness continue? Why doesn’t he send Benny Hinn to the hospitals and start healing the folks in intensive care? (Personally, I think Benny Hinn is a crook/fake, so just pick your favorite preacher in his stead.) I know this is Pandora’s Box for some and yes I’ve studied Theodicy so we can go a couple of rounds if you like but honestly, when was the last time you prayed for someone who was on their deathbed? Did you honestly believe they were going to be healed? Did you honestly believe they were going to rise up? If this happened when you and others prayed don’t you think we would hear about it? I’m not talking about these cheap parlor tricks/antics seen at these so-called “Healing Services” a la` Benny Hinn. I’m talking legitimate healing!

Preachers are nothing but poor sinners, they are not perfect men.:
Some of you will say “Well, DUH! Where have you been?” But, I write this for 2 reasons. One, if a preacher is reading this, get off that high horse of yours. Preaching "as one having authority" does not mean being an arrogant ass. Two, the next time a man of God wants you to do something that puts your family/health/wealth in jeopardy you say one word: NO! or even better “HELL NO!”. You see my point is this: They are not God, and if one of these men comes to you and says “God has told me that you need to [insert unreasonable request here]” you can fire back and say “God is perfectly able to tell me directly, thank you very much.” There is one thing I learned late in my Christian life that I wish someone had taught me from the start: There is a difference between serving God, and serving your Church/Pastor. Beware: they are NOT one and the same!!

6 comments:

Secret Agent said...

Amen amen AMEN! That is something everyone needs to realize: we need to serve GOD and not PREACHERS!!!

Unknown said...

Well written! I am sorry for your loss. Abou 5 years ago, my husband and I went to a "godly" music conference. We sat next to a woman who lost her husband and a very arrogant pastor of 5 children. She mentioned her ministry- she had a bereavement ministry. This pastor asked if that was really necessary. That Christians needed to be at peace with the loss of loved ones, if they weren't they lacked faith. She stated it was absolutely necessary- the loss of a loved one, regardless of the fact that they are in a better place, is a difficult time for those left behind. I hated the arrogant teaching that you weren't very spiritual if you didn't leave a funeral smiling and singing praises to God! We were even taught that our best day is our day of death. Wierd! Never agreed with that. Ofcourse, we had to listen to those things after experiencing 8 funerals that year- I doubt the pastor had to experience that- or he wouldn't be so arrogant. I trust where I am going, but I don't look forward to my death or anyone else's- I don't want to miss my loved ones, and I don't want to suffer. I believe that is called being a human.

April Galamin said...

I love this quote you wrote:
"....The difference is I’m not the “Spirit Filled Man of God.” I don’t claim to be one. I don’t preach/prance like a spring peacock telling everyone how great everything is when you do what I say, and how God’s going to hurt you if you don’t do what I say."

Yep!! When it's convenient they'll play on how "I'm just a sinner..." but when they want to manipulate someone..."I'm the man of God..the mouthpiece of God in this church!!"

Just wanted you to know that I have seen that type of manipulation & it is quite effective in keeping the flock in lock step. Hope you are good!

Lynnette said...

I don't see the love on thier part but in all honesty I dont hear it on yours & as you share this. Even the vilest of sinners I have compassion & pity on. Also, the very ealy comment in the introduction..."my wifes refuses to step foot in a church'. I dont agree on everything but as long as the fundamentals are being practiced & preached (incl most importantly LOVE) then I'm ok. This is a sign of spirtual maturity & healing I believe. It's very tragic & sad...it seem like in regards to the two of you...they won (or perhaps satan). Go ahead...keep waiting on the apology that may never come. In the mean time, the I'm concerned again unless you release the negative & unlove towards them...you will continue to reap that sow. I'm confident they followed similar suite or at least thier paresnts, or parents parents down the line. I personally made the decsiaon by Gods grace I believe...that the buck stops with me! I hope you can jump off that bad bandwagon & deeper into Christ Jesus & Gods love & grace that should flow from us as He give to us. May God bless...Lynne (whom was yes spirtually & mentally/emotionally& physcially abused) but now I'm part of something better...not perfect at all, just commited a sin recently trying to fix, but by Gods grace getting better & loving more & resenting & holding on less. Be strong in the LORD dears!

Lynnette said...

p.s. In reference to:
, "God's Problem: How the Bible Fails to Answer Our Most Important Question--Why We Suffer" by Bart D. Ehrman.
Gd I believe would not direct someone to try how strong thier faith is by reading a lie. Since the bible does does answer it on varying levels. That slike someone saying read Aliester Crowley so you can be divers. This is unbiblical. Just as you wont promot ethe unbiblical teaching in regards to your family in laws behavior one should not promot that. By the way...I fear for you. Di you know that Aliester Crowley was once rasied in a strict religiously Christian home, the author of the Shack was abused as a child sexually by people his parents served on a mission & now denys Jesus ataonement. Did you see Frank Peretti's film (not book) Visitation. It's really good. This kid was abused by a so called man of God & he became so angry at hurt (justibly so) but rather than relasing to Jesus way took up with satan. This stuff is not a joke, satan is behind all of it. Please abide in Chrsit & if thier is any loving & biblicaly sound (not doing all you want them to do to please you, but not abusive & revelan) please fellowship at times in love. Don't become your inlaws on the other side of the coin! Beware of the enemies snares. May God bless, heal & deliver you all & I'm so so very sorry for your abuse. Again, as a victem of spirtual, mental/emotional & physcial abuse, I can relate. I want you to be tottaly set frr...Whom the SON sets free is free indeed.

David Means said...

The thing I've learned about healing is that it's not about healing. God works all things together for our good, and that means even sickness when it comes. I've seen people healed, and I've been asked to pray for people who were dying only to have the Lord say, "no, not for healing, for peace - for the family." What we fail to do in many instances is ask, "Lord, what are you doing here? What do you want done?"

The faith struggle sometimes revolves around "will God act?" Not, "can God act." The point of that struggle is to learn of His nature anew and afresh, and to discard old lies.

Loving your blog.